Rebuilding a Healthier Habit

From pre-school all the way to my freshman year in college, I've always been known to have at least one book in hand and about 20 backups in my bag. It was apart of me, and I swore on my life it always would be.

Then, life happened. I began working, attending school at the same time, I began writing lesson plans and the books I read were always to a group of eager fresh faced toddlers, prepared for circle time, Reading became an old chapter in my book and I began to gravitate towards things online. This did not fill the void and I felt empty and soulless without it.

I filled this void with THE word, God's word, the most historically acclaimed, talked about and controversial book in the world. The Holy Bible. There were parts of the bible I enjoyed so much, I know half by heart, and love to refer back to them when I am feeling empty. But even then, the jar of my heart was half filled. The difference between the Bible and any other book that I had ever read was that it was supposed to be the key to all I ever needed to know in life, I must say it now stands as such although it wasn't always. In the birth days of my re-dedication to Christ, I threw away a lot of literature that I felt to be spiritually damaging to my growth and have been working to recollect ever since but with works that are truly wholesome. Thus, my conflict began. "what if the story isn't bible based?" "What if it isn't spiritual?" Does this mean I can't read it? I had the same questions when the inspiration for my own personal writing came about and the answer came from a very dear person who has helped me come into the light of who it is God wants me to be.

She told me that as long as a piece of work as whole is in good standing with my belief, wither it be as a stand off between good and evil, a declaration of hope in spite of a struggle or likewise, there is nothing wrong with it, and that I should pray for inspiration when I work. and IT WORKED! The bible has become apart of my every day reading and I have found awesome, wholesome books to fill in the gaps throughout the months and years. I just had to learn a way to put God FIRST. He understands that are enjoyments of life we wish to partake in, he doesn't want us to be deprived of happiness, he desires to be known as the reason why we are.

This helped the conflict go away. I realized that even in the bible, things were not always pretty but things were always done for the greater good of man, even when man did not agree. When I paint, I ask guidance in what it is to represent, when I write, I do the same. He inspires me every day to be better than I was before.

My love of reading hasn't gone and the romance between myself and literature has been strengthened because now it has new purpose. :) Books are to enlighten and to teach and I shall use every waking moment of my life to earn wisdom and to learn. :)

What about you? have you ever had an internal struggle about something you enjoyed? How did you overcome it?

(photo is not mine)