What's the Point? Remembering my "Why" to Stay Creatively Motivated, My Season of Solitude

Verse of the day:

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

In my book "The Butterfly that Dreamed of Phoenix Wings", I have a poem called "My Why". I go back to it during times I start losing faith in my creative endeavors. Why write a blog or a book that no one wants to read? Why make art that no one will buy? Why do anything if all people are going to do is reject me like they always have? These are the types of lies and intrusive thoughts that plague me when I'm down, among others that are far more distressing. My why is Colossians 1:16, I was made for a divine purpose and my love for the arts was no mistake. I was MADE to create and and share my human/spiritual experiences as a human through inspiration of the maker himself. :)

There are days where my own words are hard to hear and even with the validation, there are days where I feel as if it isn't enough. How can I inspire people through work they'll never see? I became a people person through my teaching career, I left back in 2024 and honestly I feel lost in my connection to people. Being a teacher was more than a job to me, it was a career that chose me and not the other way around. I was able to be an artist, author and educator, you could even say they were sisters or best friends. I used all three to become Mrs. Jasmine. I shared my love, respect and knowledge for the arts into my lesson plans and taught my students beyond a piece of paper by providing real world interactions. My science lessons were as messy as my art projects, reading was all around us and not just in a book, we used the windows to see shapes and colors as they were in the real world. In return, my students learned in ways that were fulfilling, memorable and fun!

It was a season of my life that lasted 10 years and I learned a great deal for my time as an educator. I'll always be thankful for the journey and it's been hard to come to terms with the fact that it's over. I loved what I did and learned to love and become love itself through the teaching community. I had many great mentors who taught me what it meant to be a teacher that children need. I learned the most as a Teacher, than any other area of my life and I'll miss my students and parents with all my heart.

I have not found my people yet....and that is what I'm struggling with, I have no audience or a group of people that I truly feel connected to. My desire for community and feeling connected to others is dying and I don't know what to do. I gave up social media because I felt like it was poison for my mental health. I gave up trying to post content when I realized that I didn't make content that people I interacted with found interesting. I had "Friends" who never reacted to anything I posted but would scroll pass it to like a video of ass and boobs. (sorry, but it's the truth).

When I step outside nowadays, I feel more awkward than I did before I became a teacher, I have no idea how to interact with others any more. This blog is all I have at the moment and this is the only space I have that feels as if I can be true to myself because it is something that I made for myself.

I understand that this is just another season of my life and just like the others, it will pass. I'll find my people one day, and have that sense of belonging once more :) maybe it can start with you reading this now. :)

Thank you for reading.

"For the love of life and the pursuit of the arts, stay prayerful and write on"